In times of Crisis

I have been trying to articulate this all day, but there has been a major block between my brain and my fingers. A phone call from a very old friend has given me some insight into breaking this block down and praising God for His divine plan and will for my life.

I recently heard that a couple of my very good friends (including the one on the phone) will be making the journey to Haiti and spending the next few months there. I have had a nauseating pit in my stomach all day. I keep questioning why God has not opened a door for me to go, and battling against jealousy that so many people that I am so close to have had doors flung wide for them. I hate that I was finally getting to the point where I could see God's hand and plan and I was content and joyful in that, and now I have allowed it all to be ripped out from under me and I want things that do not appear to be in God's plan for right now. Old scars are being torn open and old growing pains are resurfacing. It has been so hard for me to make it through the day, and I do not foresee it being any easier tomorrow. There is so much unrest curdling in my heart and I don't know whether to push it down or let it overflow. I think that it's so easy to block out the pain and trauma that envelops the majority of the world and immerse myself in the light and momentary happiness that flows freely from every orifice of American culture. I don't want this though. I don't want to just compartmentalize all of this and focus on school, and work and friends. I feel as though that would be an injustice, and I don't want to partake in injustice. I don't think it is ok for life to just go on amidst a great tragedy, even though that is what seems to happen.

The thought that just keeps coming to mind: We are in the midst of a great spiritual war. We need to pray like we are.