Thursday, February 25, 2010

Habitual Cup of Water

Friends come and go. this is especially true in view of my transient, impersonal lifestyle. One particular friend came back into my life today over coffee. Coffee is not actually accurate, because she drank a bizarre banana/ espresso combination and I stuck to my 'becomingmoreandmorehabitual' cup of water. I think the barista gave me the first little plastic cup on the stack because when I picked up the icy water to take a sip, my eyes were afronted with some random black fuzz floating amidst the tiny icebergs.
We chose a table and, in an act of utter selflessness, I sat facing the sunny window. The scrapes on the lenses of my glasses made it impossible to see this friend's face, rather I was blessed with colorful rainbow-like mirages, which provided a whimsical, nonsensical tone to the conversation. Our conversation ranged from dating to school to church- the three things that Southeastern life typically consists of and I was blessed with this comment:
There have been several girls who have come to me
and noticed that you are just not the same girl you were last semester.
I am constantly stunned when I hear this, (and I have been hearing it a lot lately) but I am grateful that God has placed people in my life to speak these things to me. I have changed a lot. well, more accurately, God has changed me a lot. He has crushed a good part of my restless uncomfortable spirit, and planted the broken pieces in a garden of humility and love. (A man just walked by the window with a handlebar mustache and a full beard. I have a barely controllable urge to run out the door after him and ask him to be my friend. It probably would not end well for either of us though. I am a gigantic clutz and would probably knock him over, or trip and skid my face on the pavement.)
The whole purpose of this post is simply to say that God changed me in a moment from an object of wrath to a child of the king, by He is also still changing me and working in me newness everyday. I am not the same as I was yesterday and I will not be the same tomorrow.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Life lessons in Personal Finance

I really dreaded taking personal finance this semester, but God has been working incredibly through that class. I was working through a lesson a couple of days ago about who our possessions really belong to. This was the point: everything belongs to God. Everything was created by God, for His own glory.
  • If it is God's money, and not my own, will I spend it frivolously on things that I don't need?
  • If it is God's body, will I eat junk and not exercise?
  • If it is God's time, will I spend it watching tv or putting around on Facebook?
  • If it is God's car, will I speed or drive recklessly?
  • If they are God's people, will I treat them abruptly, or as anything less than a magnificent part of God's creation?
These are only a few aspects of life, and they are all phrased in the negative, but if we actually realized our lives don't belong to us, how would we live differently? Just a though.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

16 days. 17 days?

two weeks. two and a half weeks.
death is so close to life
only seconds away
from one side to the other
there is no coming back
you look so real
eyes open
mouth parted
innocent smile
you are empty
no soul
i see you on my eyelids
in my dreams
in the foam that lines the sink when i brush my teeth
you haunt me
you bring me to life
they say ghosts aren't real
you proved them wrong
you prove me wrong
eyes won't close
sleep won't come
death pervades life
saturates
imbuing purpose
negating breath
flesh from bone
your life is held in dirt
mine resides in eternal abodes
treasures the earth can't hold
here now exists
here.