Affirmation

It has not been very often in my life that I have truly felt that I was surrounded by people who love me and have my best interest in mind. It has also not been very often in life that I have truly even felt that there were that many people that liked me (shocking, I know). Lately though, God has truly given me the incredible gift of surrounding me with godly people who see Him in me rather than me in me.

I find that when God gives me gifts, however, I take them, give myself credit for them, and then get really upset when they are no longer there. Right now I am in the 'giving myself credit' phase of this particular gift. It is so easy for me to look at the friends I have and say, "Well why wouldn't they want to be my friend? I'm funny and smart and pretty stinking talented in oh so many ways." It's then that I remember that I'm not actually that funny, I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum of smart, and my talent really pales (to putrid shades of mustard yellow and brown) in comparison to the beauty of the world around me. Another aspect of this is how I react when I don't feel that people give me the attention and affirmation I desire. I've noticed that in a few of my relationships, (and really only a few. I am sinfully selective) I am controlled by how much the other person likes me rather than how intimately I can love them, and in loving them, lavish service upon them. Instead of loving them, however, I use them for my own gratification, thinking that my worth comes from how many praises they utter or how much time they are willing to spend with me. When my standards of approval are not met, I get angry or sad or (insert any other negative emotion here and it is probably applicable).

The only thing that is good in me is Jesus Christ. Without him I am nothing more than dust.