First day of summer

Today was the very first day of my summer vacation. My car isn't even unpacked yet, but it is highly possible that it will stay half packed until I leave again in July.

I made a quick switch from perpetual business and constant hanging out with friends to a whole day of pseudo-isolation. I think I need to get into a busy routine right quick or I am going to lose my mind.

Plans for this week:

Monday- hang out with sister and brother-in-law, finish Notes from the Underground, visit a friend from high school

Tuesday- Swim 7-8, hang time with Lindsey, start Till We Have Faces, cook amazing food for my family

Well, that's about as far as my plan goes...

Life is not about conclusions

I said goodbye to a lot of friends tonight, some for the summer and some for possibly forever. In the midst of one of these goodbyes I had a bitter sweet conversation about the conclusions we come to in life. I don't mean conclusions as in the end of things, but as in the ones we decide upon in our minds. Although now that I think of it, that is the end of things. Once we have formulated a conclusion about something, that is the end of the process of discovery. Those conclusions are set in stone, not because we are too stubborn to change our opinions, (though that is possibly sometimes true) but because we stop seeking truth and fervently pursuing knowledge. We lose our sense of wonder.

Sentences have stopped making sense to me because they are just culminations of ambiguous words slapped together to make a point. God seems to become something finite that can be summed in a series of words that actually says nothing at all, instead of a perfect, holy being full of mystery and majesty, and beyond any culmination of words possible. Commandments are thrown out there by pastors and seminarians (usually following a format "If we see God as... we will ...," or, "Understanding of the Great Commission will lead to...") and the God who gave all law and commandments is overshadowed in our minds by the arbitrary conclusions we have come to. Relationships are torn apart over camps debating God's sovereignty and the end times and etc., and we forget that our knowledge of all of these things is minute and the conclusions that we draw about them are entirely unimportant when compared to the thirst for discovery and intimacy that God's perfection warrants.

That middle paragraph was a bit of a digressive rant, but the whole point is that there will be a day when all things on earth will reach a conclusion, but for now it is about the peregrination. Enjoy it.

My new friend Anne Marie posted this on her blog a few days ago and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it so here is my rendition:

Outside my window... A thunderstorm is brewing. My God supersedes the weather.

I am thinking... that in two weeks I will be leaving my home to spend time with my family. This is a strange reversal of the norm and another sign that I am growing up.

I am thankful for... My beautiful friends who never cease to amaze me, call me out of my sin, encourage me, and show God's love to me. (And I'm also really thankful for the ibuprofen that cured my headache.)

From the kitchen... today: quesadillas for lunch, Tomorrow: Indian style chicken for dinner.

I am wearing...sweats... as per the usual.

I am creating... essay questions for a final exam. Fabricating is probably the most fitting word, however.

I am going... to sleep for 2 straight weeks as soon as this semester is over.

I am reading... Total Church by Chester and Timmis

I am hoping... solely in the glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I am hearing... Brand New, thanks to Jonathan and Quinny. I love the constantly expanding musical palette of my friends.

Around the house... What house? I live in a dorm... which is a mess. I did spend an hour scrubbing the bathroom today though, and it felt quite marvelous.

One of my favorite things... Wind. and rain. that is two things, but I think that they are possibly the two coolest phenomena in the world. Air moves fast for no apparent logical reason, making leaves rustle and hair fly and water gathers up into the sky in great fluffy bunches and then falls down to the ground and makes things grow. Incredible.

A few plans for the rest of the week... finals, finals, and more finals. Hopefully there will be some cooking and joviality thrown in there somewhere.

Affirmation

It has not been very often in my life that I have truly felt that I was surrounded by people who love me and have my best interest in mind. It has also not been very often in life that I have truly even felt that there were that many people that liked me (shocking, I know). Lately though, God has truly given me the incredible gift of surrounding me with godly people who see Him in me rather than me in me.

I find that when God gives me gifts, however, I take them, give myself credit for them, and then get really upset when they are no longer there. Right now I am in the 'giving myself credit' phase of this particular gift. It is so easy for me to look at the friends I have and say, "Well why wouldn't they want to be my friend? I'm funny and smart and pretty stinking talented in oh so many ways." It's then that I remember that I'm not actually that funny, I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum of smart, and my talent really pales (to putrid shades of mustard yellow and brown) in comparison to the beauty of the world around me. Another aspect of this is how I react when I don't feel that people give me the attention and affirmation I desire. I've noticed that in a few of my relationships, (and really only a few. I am sinfully selective) I am controlled by how much the other person likes me rather than how intimately I can love them, and in loving them, lavish service upon them. Instead of loving them, however, I use them for my own gratification, thinking that my worth comes from how many praises they utter or how much time they are willing to spend with me. When my standards of approval are not met, I get angry or sad or (insert any other negative emotion here and it is probably applicable).

The only thing that is good in me is Jesus Christ. Without him I am nothing more than dust.